SteamCritique
Quiz
🌐 EN
UnturnedUnturned
I beat a guy to death with a flashlight, flew a helicopter into a lighthouse, mugged some dude for his pants, drove a tank i found around the city for a bit, traveled to Russia, got high off glue, shot some guy with a 50 cal cause he looked at me funny, hid in a tree for a while, and then jumped down and beat another man to death with the flashlight. Then i went home and played unturned, great game!
1893 votes funny
I beat a guy to death with a flashlight, flew a helicopter into a lighthouse, mugged some dude for his pants, drove a tank i found around the city for a bit, traveled to Russia, got high off glue, shot some guy with a 50 cal cause he looked at me funny, hid in a tree for a while, and then jumped down and beat another man to death with the flashlight. Then i went home and played unturned, great game!
1893 votes funny
I found an AK-47 before i found food, 10/10 i felt like a child in congo.
1861 votes funny
My Unturned Story - Starts game - Joins random server with 24 slots - I see a guy - The guy sees me - The guy asks if I want to team with him - I say yes - Our adventures start and we kill every zombie that dares stand in our way - We see a group of players - They start shooting at us - We start running - We look behind us and a humvee is driving straight at us - It's covered in barbed wire and C4 - The person detonates the C4 on the humvee - My friend dies - I pick up my friend's gun from his corpse and proceed to shoot at everything that moves - I find some C4 from the dead terrorist and proceed to strap it onto a red car - I drive into their base while screaming "ALLAHU AKBAR!" - I detonate the C4 - Everyone died 9/11 would suicide bomb again
1743 votes funny
I have spent so many hours shooting unarmed black guys. 11/10 best NYPD simulator...
1612 votes funny
Unturned Gameplay Guide 1. Join game. 2. Get killed by 9-yr.-old Pewdiepie fanchild. 3. Endure endless screaming/mic-spam. 4. Turn off computer. 5. Drink to forget. 10/10 would rethink life choices again
1512 votes funny
-Spawned In Seattle. - Found a AK. -Found 9 bullets. -Killed 7 year old -Had to mute game. -Found Beans. -Found Soda. -Fell off bridge. -Died. -Respawned. -Spent 2 hours trying to find gun. -found gun. -No ammo. -Sniped by 7 year olds 31 year old father. -Respawned -Listened to 3 minutes of butthurt kid ranting. -Got kicked. -Rejoined. -Got a friend to join -We start going. -Shoot Random dude. -It was the kid. -Screams into the mike "I WILL END YOU" -12 people join the game in 10 minutes. -We find a gun store in downtown seattle. -Load up on some guns. -See a train of trucks -10 players in all black jump out. -Me and my friend duck. -Get shot. -Twice -Run into nearby building. -Trips on barbed wire. -Friend dies -Bleeding out w/ broken leg. -Naked Man walks up and beats me to death with a can opener screaming "Get Canned" -Left. -Rejoined 1 week later. -Found fuel. -Found plane. -Fueled Plane. -Crashed into Tower. -Tower didn't fall. -Jet Fuel Doesn't melt steel beams. -I give this game a 9/11
1510 votes funny
-Everyone is killing on sight -I decide to be a friendly guy -Runs into a newly spawned player -I say "Hello" -He throws a punch -I ask him nicely not to pick a fight -He keeps punching -I bring out my shotgun -"Well, you asked for it" -The kid backs away begging me not to shoot -This friendly guy gives no mercy
1308 votes funny
I joined a server. A little kid, he came against me threatening me with a hatchet and told me to give him my stuff. All I know is: Now i have a hatchet.
1281 votes funny
----------My life: With Unturned---------- 1: Download unturned - 2: Get in love with unturned - 3: Donate for Permanent Gold Upgrade 4: Have sex with Unturned 5: Remember that you forgot to remember to remember to use a condom - 6: Take care of Unturned while she`s pregnant - 6: Wait 9 months - 6: Get a Mutated baby - 7: Illuminati confirmed - 8: Name the baby Nelson Sexton Junior - 9: Learn Nelson Junior how to play unturned - 10: Nelson JR is now 9 years old, you buy him a Gold membership for unturned - 11: Nelson JR Had sex with Unturned - 12: You find out he had a condom - 13: You are happy - 14: Nelson JR is now 16 years old - 15: Nelson JR gets his first scooter - 16: You relax on the couch - 17: You look at the news, there was an accident! - 18: You cry, as u find out Nelson JR was killed in that accident. - 19: 4 years later you play unturned again on Singleplayer - 20: You see someone else, its not a zombie, its another player. - 21: You walk up to that player, his name.. IS JOHN CENAAAA!! DUN DUNDUNDUN!!! (jk his name is "NelsonSXton_666") - 22: You give him a hug - 23: You feel pain in your heart - 24: You go to hospital - 25: You find out you have cancer - 26: You ask the doctor what kind of cancer - 27: He says its "Unturned cancer" - 28: You fall asleep - 29: You wake up, after laying in bed for 6 Days. - 30: You have extreme pain in your body - 31: You look outside the window - 32: You decide to jump out - 33: You hit the ground - 34: You died - 35: You wake up in another dimention - 36: you walk along a path - 37: You see a sign covered with vines - 38: You uncover the sign - 39: it says "Welc me to Unt rn d" - 40: This sign is old, some of the letters are gone - 41: You run up the path - 42: You see your family - 43: You run towards them - 44: You hug them - 45: Fin
1271 votes funny
I didn't turn.
955 votes funny
Started as a naked person in a zombie apocalypse. Gets clothes from laundry shops that fits exactly your size. Kill other people to get them naked. "Suicide" to be naked and drop your items on the floor. Everything is naked. Players are naked. I am naked. Nelson is naked. 12/10 wud naked again.
919 votes funny
"Mommy can I have DayZ" "No"
839 votes funny
Day 1: Find gun, kill an admin and get banned. Day 2: Repeat.
825 votes funny
Day 1 Found PANTS!!! and other clothing... Day 2 Meet some "PRO'S" who offer to help. I follow them to their base where they lock me in a room... They give me a hoodie and tell me I'm their buttler. Day 3 I gain their trust. Well sort of, I stole a pistol and no one noticed. Day 4 I murder my kidnappers, and take their gear. Day 5 I found an animal and named him jeoff. He's so cute :0 Day 6 Some d*** killed jeoff then decided that wasn't enough and snipes me! I die and start again... But pretty cool game!
812 votes funny
If your looking for a review on unturned you've come to the wrong place, but if your looking for an outstanding pie recipe you've come to the right place. Ingredients: 1. 6 tablespoons unsalted butter 2. 1/2 cup white sugar 3. 1/2 cup brown sugar 4. 1/4 cup water 5. 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon 6. 1 pinch salt 7. 5 apples - peeled, cored and sliced 8. 1 pastry for double-crust pie Directions: 1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C). 2. Combine butter, white sugar, brown sugar, water, cinnamon, and salt in a saucepan over medium heat. Bring to a boil, remove from heat and set aside. 3. Roll out half the pastry to fit a 9-inch pie plate. Place bottom crust in pie plate; pour in apple slices. 4. Roll out top crust into a 10-inch circle. Cut into 8 (1-inch) wide strips with a sharp paring knife or pastry wheel. Weave the pastry strips, one at a time, into a lattice pattern. Fold the ends of the lattice strips under the edge of the bottom crust and crimp to seal. 5. Pour butter-sugar mixture over top of pie, coating the lattice, and allowing any remaining sauce to drizzle through the crust. 6. Bake in the preheated oven for 15 minutes. Reduce heat to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C), and bake until the crust is golden brown, the caramel on the top crust is set, and the apple filling is bubbling, 35 to 40 more minutes. Allow to cool completely before slicing. Eat.
753 votes funny
You know that weird girl in the corner of the class? Your friend told you that she likes you, but everytime you look at her she smiles and look away. Then when you got the chance, you approach her and start talking to her at the school out and you think: "wow she's really nice, didn't expected that!" After sometime you look at your watch and realise that 7 hours flew away with you spending time with her. And when it's time to goodbye, she says: "I really like you, if you want to spend another time with me, just call ;) " And then, without warning, she kisses your lips and walkaway. Day after day you ask yourself if it was real or just an hallucination, and you keep thinking of her all the time just trying to see another opportunity to see her again. Well... this game is this girl :D
748 votes funny
>Went to a server which was filled with players >All alone >Voted for the server to grab a kit >Got a "DemiGod" kit >Went to a small hill side and made a base all "ALONE" >Took me 2 fucking hours to make one >I asked help from admin >He messaged me were is the base >I told him the location >He announces to the server "ANAND HAS BUILT AN BASE NEAR STRATFORD" >In came 23 kids screammminggg to destroy my base >Took out my honeybadger and fired at them >Killed 3 of em including admin >Admin abused his power and killed me >They took my base >me cri >all alone >veri time >cri cri 11/10 would beat the shit out of that admin again.
682 votes funny
----------My life: With Unturned---------- 1: Download unturned - 2: Get in love with unturned - 3: Donate for Permanent Gold Upgrade 4: Have sex with Unturned 5: Remember that you forgot to remember to remember to use a condom - 6: Take care of Unturned while she`s pregnant - 6: Wait 9 months - 6: Get a Mutated baby - 7: Illuminati confirmed - 8: Name the baby Nelson Sexton Junior - 9: Learn Nelson Junior how to play unturned - 10: Nelson JR is now 9 years old, you buy him a Gold membership for unturned - 11: Nelson JR Had sex with Unturned - 12: You find out he had a condom - 13: You are happy - 14: Nelson JR is now 16 years old - 15: Nelson JR gets his first scooter - 16: You relax on the couch - 17: You look at the news, there was an accident! - 18: You cry, as u find out Nelson JR was killed in that accident. - 19: 4 years later you play unturned again on Singleplayer - 20: You see someone else, its not a zombie, its another player. - 21: You walk up to that player, his name.. IS JOHN CENAAAA!! DUN DUNDUNDUN!!! (jk his name is "NelsonSXton_666") - 22: You give him a hug - 23: You feel pain in your heart - 24: You go to hospital - 25: You find out you have cancer - 26: You ask the doctor what kind of cancer - 27: He says its "Unturned cancer" - 28: You fall asleep - 29: You wake up, after laying in bed for 6 Days. - 30: You have extreme pain in your body - 31: You look outside the window - 32: You decide to jump out - 33: You hit the ground - 34: You died - 35: You wake up in another dimention - 36: you walk along a path - 37: You see a sign covered with vines - 38: You uncover the sign - 39: it says "Welc me to Unt rn d" - 40: This sign is old, some of the letters are gone - 41: You run up the path - 42: You see your family - 43: You run towards them - 44: You hug them - 45: Fin
637 votes funny
>playing unturned >rp server >swims to the prison island >people in uniform everywhere >im new so i say hi >gets arrested >put in cell >spend time in dirty jail cell for days >its morning now >im starving >door opens >"get out nigger!" >moved to outside >bus awaiting with prisoner already lined up >large wood bridge > guys in masks >loaded onto bus >bus leaves island >move to some beach >told to get out >only guys in masks now > lined up on beach >each one of us is shot one by one >the executioner runs out of bullets >begins to reload >get shot at but dont die >see barn >head to barn. >at barn. >handcuffs fall off >find shirt and use as bandage >i wander on a road >car pulls up >im in new farmer clothes >its a truck full of the bandits from earlier >they ask if i saw a prisoner >nope.jpg >they move on >its night now >find town >find gun >some player comes up to me >"hey do you have any bandages?" >shoot player >see in chat i was reported to police. Kid was also raging at admins for "hacking" >i run away from the scene >helicopter patrolling area >they see me >get caught >put in a bus >moved to prison island I died 5 days later from a raid on the prison. The bandits were taken out of power days later by admins. The Sever was DDoSed at some point, and the admins quit. The server no longer exists. Edited Sat Dec 31st, 2016.
609 votes funny
Before I played this i had a small penis, no girlfriend and no will to live. None of these things have changed, but the game is pretty good
605 votes funny
Before I played this i had no girlfriend and no will to live. None of these things have changed, but the game is pretty good
586 votes funny
Unturned is DayZ for poor people like me.
557 votes funny
Good thing you can kill little kids until they rage. :D Bad thing is that the little kids are admins..
543 votes funny
Day 1 : I Alive and Naked : Run around like a Chicken : I found a person, he looks alive, I should go near and talk to him. : He Ate me, I died. Day 2 : I Alive and Naked Again : I found a town, full of people : I steal everything, this game teach me how to break someone`s house. : I found another person, he seems he wanna have a hug : I use Axe and he died, I`m a Murderer, I should commit my own sins. : Press suicide button, I died by my own hand. My Friend dissapointed me. : I don`t have friend, is Zombie is my Friend? Day 3 : I Alive and Naked again and again : I found a Car, rideable. : I ride the car with 64% oil, this game teach me how to get a License Driver. : I see a person and I accidentally Hit-And-Run : He Died, I should commit my sin again. : I destroy my car until explode, including me. I died. Day 4 : I`m in a middle of Sea : Swim until I saw a Seaport : I found a gun, and an ammo. : I saw another person who make a cruel face, I should shoot him Accurately. : I wasted 6 Bullets for aiming this person. I am a wasteful person. I don`t deserve to live here. : I forcefully eating a molded potato because I don`t have any food left. And I am Sick. : I died by sickness. I happy that I am a good boy. What i am trying to say is this game is fun. 8/10 Edit : And I decided to play again :>
509 votes funny
Before I played this i had a small penis, no girlfriend and no will to live. None of these things have changed, but the game is pretty good.
491 votes funny

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